Out here with my lanten

"Mental Health is a whole pandemic on its own in the world. It takes so much courage for one to come and share their strain and seek help. We are focusing on mental health in our LGBTQ+ community and how best we can ease the burden.

Here is a story written by an individual battling depression since childhood.

The protection of family (before they find out your true identity) is important for every child growing up.

We often dream or almost fantasies it to last eternity.

We long for its embrace to warm our cold emotions.

We expect it to light the way when we stray.

Above all we search for its wisdom when confusion hits. Being alone in a world filled with people is not a feeling I can even wish personally for my enemy. Surrounded by so much uncertainty, lost hope, unrequited love, lost dreams and a lost cause. A longing to be noticed, appreciated and recognized usually vapors with time, then what's left is just mirage of the past and loads of regrets.

As aging crawls slowly on us, to catch up on our pacing, it becomes so radiantly clear and exposes the cracks of our loneliness.

My name is Amar, all my childhood life, I struggled with overthinking. Playing a record over and over in your head, is a burden that is very heavy to carry. This is a trait i have identified myself with over the years. This has led me to lose a lot because the "what if" hangs above my head. This has restricted me from accepting genuine love when it was offered, because it was always met with suspicion. Human beings with good intentions, I pushed them away for fear that my guard will be demolished. My little world, where I was free from expectations.

I turned to drugs (weed) to numb my emotions, to kill that little strain of hope inside me. To destroy that little boy inside me.

To disengage from the world so that my little world can be secured. To destroy anything prospective so as to preserve my loneliness. But the passage of time has violently removed the band aid and exposed me to the vicious preys of emotions.

Will i survive?

Will my walls remain?

Will I persevere or perish?

Am I going to answer the call of wellness?

This is my story

By Amar